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We've been dating for a bit, and recently we made it kind of an official thing, and it's great. Every once in a while I have one of those "omg this is a girl! I'm femme, my gf is femme, and it just feels like relationship rather than, like, a "lesbian" relationship if that makes sense. She says by virtue of dating her, I'm definitely not straight. Can a woman be straight and be in a relationship with a woman? I mean, you'll identify as whatever you like, that's entirely up to you, but the reality is that you're currently engaged in a relationship with a person of the same sex as you. Also, it's nice doing it with someone who I really care for. Obviously, I do with my girlfriend, but I don't know of anyone else. I don't feel super connected with the experience of queer women- like, it feels like they live a struggle I don't live.While some people in that poster's position can happily live many years with the new partner and not feel their orientation matters so much, this poster was clearly troubled by the fact that she didn't have independent desire for women .
Lesbian relationships are just women dating each other. Also, lots of lesbians don't face as much of a struggle.
This was a socially progressive woman who didn't have beef with queerness as an identity, she just felt it just didn't fit her.
It is likely that the "wrongness" she was feeling in being with a woman but not feeling queer was due to the fact that she had a pattern of proactive desires for men (hetero orientation) and then had experienced fluidity towards her female partner.
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