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The straight guy is worried his “secret” will be uncovered while the gay or bi guy fears he’s being used or unworthy of a relationship in public view.

It also depends why the guy doesn’t want to label himself – there’s a big difference between eschewing norms as a form of self-expression and hiding who you are to manipulate the advantages available to you as a straight person.

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But just as labels can reassure, they can also confine or confuse, or seem like a restriction to those terrified of being defined by it for ever.James identifies as gay, but his first proper relationship was with a man who did not."It's crushing during the relationship and after," he says.“Friends said they saw the way he was with me, and started assuming he was gay so adjusted their behaviour accordingly.” When Dom found out, things regressed further.Says Robin: “I thought he was going to have a heart attack.

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