Dating perfection com
Put bluntly, when one is more wed to his ideals about dating than to the potential for a meaningful, lasting relationship with an excellent partner with whom to grow together, he might be suffering from perfectionism.
“So wait a minute,” you ask, “now ambition and striving for perfection are also bad?
If this is the case with coffee and lima beans, whose cost of error is minor, imagine the pressure when the decision is one of a spouse and the stakes, hopefully forever?
Moreover, what do you do when the orthodox community inspires such specificity — as it demands that our young people seeking relationships identify themselves and potential suitors on the basis of differentiation so fine, they would make the students of the Brisker style of learning proud in the sharpness of delineation?
Somehow, Chaim would go out and each girl would have something that was “flawed.” Now 35, Chaim was worried that he would never find that “perfect girl to bring home to his mother.” Perfectionism involves the relentless striving for extremely high standards, judging one’s self-worth based largely on one’s ability to strive for and achieve these unrelenting standards and then despite the regular negative consequences involved in sticking to these impossible, demanding standards, continuing to go for them despite the huge cost (Schwartz, 2008) .Or is that vision built on, and promoting perfectionism?Shlomo Ha Melech notes (Kohelet ) that he found Ha Isha – the woman — more bitter than death.On the other hand, in Mishlei () he notes that if one finds isha, he finds tov. Benzion Sorotzkin once noted that if one is seeking Ha Isha — with an assumption that there is only one for him and that one must be perfect, the experience will be more bitter than death.However, if he can find isha – a woman about whom he can say tov, he has found the true ideal treasure (Sorotzkin, 2005).